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Residents of Chicago know that there is only one bad thing about their city: the weather. Few make it through the winter without considering moving, and many of us have lost good friends who were unable to withstand the relentless cold.
The answer is simple: we must build a dome around Chicago. It may sound absurd at first, but consider the following proposal before coming to conclusions.
Why do we want a dome over Chicago?
To shield us from the cold and snow. The eradication of winter would allow our city to blossom to its full potential. The ability to use bikes as transportation year round would allow people to sell their cars and reduce traffic. We’d be able to get more done in the winter, no longer trapped indoors. The possibilities are endless.
But I don’t want to live in a dome in the summer!
Which is why the dome would be collapsable. In the spring, summer, and fall, the dome will collapse and Chicago would become a normal city. In this sense, the dome is a non-binding idea — if we collectively conclude that living in a dome is weirder than we anticipated, we can always leave it down in the winter too.
How do I get in and out of the dome?
The same way you get in and out of Chicago now. There will be holes all over the place, including airplane shaped holes in the sky.
How do you know that $10 billion will be enough?
We don’t, really. The Moscow suburb dome is costing 1.6 billion pounds, so this seems like a safe estimate. Once we demonstrate sufficient demand (1 billion or so should do the trick), we’ll see developers popping out of the woodwork with proposals for the project and we’ll get a better sense of the actual cost.
What area will it cover?
We’ll figure that out once things get rolling. Maybe all of Chicago, or maybe just downtown. Or maybe a suburb. Don’t worry about that for now — you can always change or withdraw your pledge if the dome doesn’t cover your house.
This is a joke, right?
No. Check this out — they’re doing it in Moscow.
But isn’t Chicago’s winter a cultural icon?
And what would you call a dome if not a cultural icon? It’s a swap, and the new icon won’t make you depressed for a third of the year.
What else can you tell me that might convince me?
- Terrorism deterrent maybe
- Dome will protect against UV rays
If you want to abolish winter from Chicago, join this campaign. You have nothing to lose.
Remember, you will not spend a dime unless we raise 10 billion dollars, which will be more than enough to get the job done. There is no risk whatsoever in joining. Don’t think about whether or not enough money will be raised, just think about what it would be worth to you to never again suffer a Chicago winter. Further, you can always withdraw your pledge if you get cold feet.
Let’s make this happen!
